This article is part of the Be Positive series. Get free article updates here. Instead Lily had just scribbled all over her homework worksheet, thrown her pencil on the floor and was now yelling at the top of her voice:
This article is part of the Be Positive series. Get free article updates here. Instead Lily had just scribbled all over her homework worksheet, thrown her pencil on the floor and was now yelling at the top of her voice: I suck at it.
But even if I could calm ourselves downthere was no end in sight. Or, should I tell her to put the books away, write a note to her teacher and just let her unwind and play in the lead-up to bedtime?
Have you been there? What choice would you make?
For confidence that you will make the best choices for tough everyday questions like this and others, click here for our FREE mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent. The choice I would make now is very different to what my choice would have been a few years back. A Game of One-Upmanship Like every parent, I had started out assuming I was simply doing the very best for my child by making sure her work was as good as it could be.
After all, what choice did I have?
From the very early days in the private nursery she attended, I found myself surrounded by lots of other mothers locked into the same race to make their children the brightest and the best. If one of the mothers spotted another a parent with a Kumon I do not my homework yet folder, we all rushed to sign up too — for fear our children would get left behind.
Neurosis underpinned every conversation at the school gates — particularly as all of us were aiming to get our children into a small handful of selective private schools in the area. Bit by bit, the parenting journey which had started off being so exciting and rewarding, was turning into a stressful game of one-upmanship.
But children are not products to be developed and put on show to reflect well on us. Depending on what happens on the night, every child is conceived with a unique combination of genes which also maps out their strengths, weaknesses and personality traits before they are even born. Lily may have been bred into a competitive hotbed.
But as an innately modest and sensitive child, she decided she did not want to play. The alarm bells started ringing in Grade Three when, after I personally made sure she turned in the best Space project, she won the prize.
While I applauded uproariously from the sidelines, Lily, then seven, fled the room in tears and refused to accept the book token from the Head.
When she calmed down, she explained she hated us making a fuss. But what is just as likely is that she disliked the fact that her successes had become as much ours as hers. Even at that young age, no doubt she also realized that the more she succeeded, the more pressure she would be under to keep it up.
Over the next few years, the issues only deepened. Our home started to become a battlefield. She would barely open her books before yelling: The increasing amounts of homework sent home by the school gradually turned our house into a war zone — with me as the drill sergeant.
Surveys have found that homework is the single biggest source of friction between children and parents. One survey found that forty per cent of kids say they have cried during rows over it.
Even that figure seems like a dramatic underestimate. Yet more and more, it is recognized that homework undermines family time and eats into hours that should be spent on play or leisure. A straightforward piece of work that would take a child twenty minutes at school can easily take four times as long at home with all the distractions and delaying tactics that go with it.
As a result, children get less sleepgo to bed later and feel more stressed. Homework has even started to take over the summer vacations. Once the long break was seen as a chance for children to have adventures, discover themselves and explore nature. Now the summer months are viewed as an extension of the academic year — a chance for kids to catch up… or get ahead with workbooks and tutoring.
But ultimately homework abides by the law of diminishing returns. Researchers at Duke University found that after a maximum of two hours of homework, any learning benefits rapidly start to drop off for high school students. While some children will do everything to avoid doing it, at the other extreme others will become perfectionists who have to be persuaded to go to bed.
Some moms I spoke to had to bribe their children to do less! Given the cloud of anxiety hovering over them, no wonder some of these children perceive education as stressful.Of course, not doing homework is not an option – but these days in our house the aim is to do it as quickly and efficiently as possible.
If a concept is not understood, I don’t pull my hair out trying to be the teacher and trying to play ‘catch-up’. Do homework on those subjects you are truly interested in.
There is no need to do all the homework if you don’t want to. It’s impossible to love every subject you are given at school, and it’s normal.
Everyone of us has their own studying preferences.
Your job is not to do everything you are told by your teachers. Feb 26, · How to Make Up a Good Excuse for Your Homework Not Being Finished. If you did not finish your homework, you may want to find an excuse to avoid being penalized.
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Create an account. EXPLORE. Prioritize your homework. You do not want to be in a situation where you have to make up an 56%(). Mar 15, · Hello, I would like to know which of these two sentences you, native speakers, use more frequently. a) I still haven't finished my homework b) I haven't finished my homework yet.
Sep 17, · The question is really whether the children's homework is complete, not whether it has been worked on, and "Did you do your homework yet?" is the best way to ask this. There is still some "wiggle room", however.
The present perfect tense is used to describe something that happened in the past, but the exact time it happened is not important.
It has a relationship with the present. I have done my homework = I finished my homework in the past. It is not important at what exact time, only that it is now done.